PHYSICAL DEVELOPMENT - BODY IMAGE
As an adult, many of us work on developing ourselves and seeking improvement. Whether physical, mental, social, spiritual, or emotional development, inevitably, this message of a desire to change feeds down to our children.
So how do we respond to our children when they begin to ask questions? And what significance does our internal voice have on our child’s personal development?
Let’s start with Physical Development.
There are two parts I want to discuss here – physical health (diet and exercise) and puberty – let’s start with physical health.
Post-Christmas many of us feel bloated, tired and our bodies have slowed down. We begin to follow a new exercise plan and diet. And our children hear us saying “I am awful, I’m going to be so much better when I can run 5 km (swim/do yoga/hiit sessions etc) and when I’ve lost half a stone my life will be amazing.”
The message that our child hears is “My life will improve, and I will be a much better person when I am fitter and lighter”.
While being physically strong and having a healthy weight are incredibly important, the message that we are not good enough or are not worthy of kindness until we reach this state is one that our child begins to integrate into their own internal monologue.
Which becomes “I’m not worthy if I do not exercise or if I carry extra weight”.
Of course, your child is worthy and loveable no matter what their weight or fitness levels and, as they become more aware of their body as they get older, they are likely to feel the advantages and benefits of healthy food and exercise, if they don’t feel it yet.
So, what can we do to transform this potential internal perception?
A subtle shift in our internal (and external!) language can make all the difference. Rather than “I am awful” – a permanent and indisputable statement – we say “I feel awful/uncomfortable. I love the feeling when I run so I’m going to increase my running and it will be more comfortable when my clothes feel less tight.” This is a statement of a temporary state without judgement and heavy with kindness.
And the benefit of your shift in self-judgement?
Your child will not steep themselves in the same. As you model self-kindness, they learn to love themselves no matter how their bodies feel, knowing that they can make changes without their intrinsic self-worth altering.
And when your child asks how they can improve their body? Start by filling them with thoughts of how amazing they are already. Comment on the parts of them that are not related to their physical form “You are kind, funny and interesting. I love the way you put so much effort into your games and the way you say hello to other people”. When they ask if they are carrying extra weight? Ask them how they feel and remind them that you love them whatever size they are. And offer to exercise with them, because you know how good it makes you feel, rather than because your life will improve as a consequence.
Puberty next week…
